Reflections | Payton Pan Photo

Reflections:

A World After Dark

An Essay on the Existence of God

Searching

How the elements were made?

that’s a good question- i can’t

truly say that i know anything for certain

but i’ve heard it went something like this

An indecipherable amount of years ago

and at the same time

never

everything

which was, at the time

nothing

exploded into

something.

Suddenly there came streams of hot gas

and these somethings began expanding infinitely

into the void of

time and

space.

Eventually, they cooled off

and fell into themselves when

the waves of

gravity

came crashing down.

Things condensed into smaller groups of

space

that the human mind would be able to comprehend,

not that we’d exist for another hiccup of

time.

Now, we’re alive

having somehow evolved from

things that were not alive

and we still can’t figure out what we're made of-

besides stardust.

We live in infinity

even if that's impossible,

and everything we can sense and know

makes up

0.001%

of this place.

I like to think

that this impossible equation

led us to invent a most important element

Spirit.

A Sustained Investigation covering 70% of our planet

and half of our lives:

Can humanity thrive in the void of life-giving substances like air and sunlight by taking advantage of the overlooked necessities of water and nighttime,

and what can this teach us about humanity's relationship to the Earth?

Night on Earth

Drowning

What takes place under the cover of darkness?

Is there beauty?

Does the moonlight caress the wet grass just enough to mimic the glistening stars?

Is there horror?

Do the witches and the devils come out to dance around the fire of the sabbath?

What creatures does the night arouse after dark?

Surely the black cats, like we thought, but who else?

Are there dragons, or vampires, or werewolves?

No?

But why create so many beasts, if there are none to be found?

Is it because we long for the nighttime ourselves?

Must we convince ourselves away from the darkness?

What contrasting characters come out underneath the moon and stars?

And am I one of them?

Does the water pour colder through me under the silver bliss of night?

Is it holy water?

Is it this silver bliss that attracts the creatures inspiring of our fear?

And what atrocities or acts of goodwill do they commit that go unwitnessed by sleeping eyes?

What makes the breeze howl so much lower during the ungodly hours of darkness?

And when the owl spreads its wings to this wind, what do its deep green eyes take in?

Are they prisms, refracting beams of starlight, or just infinite radars?

And what law is there that our eyes have no place here?

Why are they always ‘Closed After Sunset?’

How could I turn off when there’s an open road to be driven, or an open lake to be rippled apart?

I’ve seen a wealth of mornings, and are they not overrated?

Why do we pray for our eyes to be stabbed with a flash of light upon each waking day?

Why can't we just bask in the purple lights of the midnight falls?

Are you willing to join me tonight, holding these shambles of darkness?

Will you board this maiden voyage into the black void?

Because the dark hours may not be the best hours, but they’re ours.

Raindrops

Tiny Gunshots, they call me

or Cloud’s Wane

or Silvery Teardrops

when I roll down the occasional window pane

Most of them run and hide

from my possibility

less the chosen few

who come out to enjoy me silently

Let me describe to you

what it's really like

though you’ll never understand

a raindrop at night

The Fall is to die for

two minutes of fame

until we meet with the ground

and rekindle the pain

Then it’s back to rivers

the oceans and seas

perhaps if we’re lucky

I’ll see you again next week

Trickling Down my Windsheild

Ice Dance

This piece, along with the following artist statement, was featured in the 2022 County Art Show at Goucher College, MD:

"Ice Dance" is a long-exposure self portrait, taken as part of a larger sustained investigation searching for meaning in the overlooked elements of water and nighttime. The photo was taken via the use of a self-timer, which anxiously beeped down for two minutes while I jumped into a frozen lake, carrying a fluorescent camping lantern encased in Ziploc bags. Keeping still in the water for long enough to give the exposure enough light in the middle of the night made "Ice Dance" one of the most challenging photos I've ever taken, but it taught me a lot about our place in the natural world. Too often we just take all that we want, without ever stopping to see or listen to everything that the environment around us has to share. Be bold in your connection to this world, and you may find yourself inspired to protect it (even if it leaves you with mild hypothermia).